How To Get Over Fear Of Rejection

How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection is a deep rooted and common fear amongst humans. It can hold us back in many areas of life. Why we fear it and how to get over it below.

The Fear of Rejection

The fear of rejection is a basic and deep rooted fear common to humans. The need to be accepted and fit in stems from tribal times and thousands of years of social conditioning. If we were not accepting and rejected from our tribe, it would have been game over for us many years ago.

The fear can also stem from feelings of embarrassment and shame. Not wanting to be turned down or feel that we are not wanted is enough to instill the fear in most.

The reasons why we fear rejection, signs that we are suffering from it and 28 ways to overcome it below.

Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

"Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better."

16 Reasons We Fear Rejection

man looking rejected - Why we fear rejection
The fear of rejection can stem from both evolutionary and mental factors;

Evolutionary Factors

Fear of losing our tribe
Fear of being alone
Fear of being isolated
Fear of appearance to not fit in with socials norms
Being compared with others
Fear of being judged
Fear of shame or embarrassment
Avoiding change

The Mental Health Causes of the Fear of Rejection

Low self-worth
Negative past experiences
Lack of self confidence
Low self-esteem
Lack of social skills
Overthinking situations and potential outcomes
Wanting to avoid feelings of awkwardness or embarrassment
Wanting to avoiding pain and other associated negative emotion (e.g. sadness / anxiety etc)

"Rejection doesn't mean you aren't good enough; it means the other person failed to notice what you had on offer"

18 Signs of the Fear of Rejection

woman looking worried - Telltale signs of the fear of rejection

The fear of rejection can be apparent in our thoughts, feelings, actions and words. Some of the telltale signs below;

Not wanting to share our own opinions or thoughts
Feeling that others are better or more superior than us
Lack of assertiveness when dealing with others
Lack of courage to speak up
Being easily manipulated
Gain feelings of self-worth from being liked
General neediness
Trying to blend in and not stand out
Wanting to be like others rather than ourself
Always saying "yes" to everything
Feelings of guilt & unworthiness
Being overly self-conscious
Copying others in an attempt to fit in
Changing behaviours and personalities to please others
Having a lack of personal identity or sense of self
Doing things we may not necessarily agree with to fit it in
Feeling socially isolated
Accepting when people easily and constantly change their opinion

"Rejection - and the fear of rejection - is the biggest impediment we face to choosing ourselves"

28 Ways To Overcome The Fear Of Rejection

man and woman hugging - Ways to overcome the fear of rejection

The first steps to overcoming the fear of rejection is identifying that it is affecting you, why it is affecting and what you want to change. From there you can put in place many strategies to hep deal with the fear. Ways to analyse and overcome the fear of rejection below;

How Does the Fear of Rejection Affect You?

Analyse & look at what is holding you back: When do you fear rejection? & More Importantly Why?
What are you looking to gain: Analyse the specific things that you want to accomplish by overcoming your fear. Understand what you are trying to accomplish and why. This will give you an immediate goal to work toward
Look at the Bigger Picture: Once you have what you understand what you want, look at the bigger picture. What other doors will it open for you? Chances are it will have a big impact to many other areas of your life
How do you want to feel?: Don't dwell on the negative, look at how you want to be. Envision it in your mind, write it down and work toward becoming that person
Accept It: Accept that you have the fear. Don't try to fight it. It's a very normal feeling to have. Trying to stop it will only make matters worse.

Once you understand the circumstances, the reasons for your fear and what you want to gain, you can make steps to overcome the fear.

Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

Understand Everyone Feels It: It is a deep rooted human fear. No one wants to be rejected. Understanding that you are not alone is a good start to overcoming the fear
Understand Everyone Has Encountered it: Not only does everyone feel it, they will also have encountered it at some point. No one has been fully accepted during their entire life. It happens every second of every day around the world.
People Are Not Thinking About You: People think far less about others than we think they do. People generally think about themselves. Stop worrying what others think as, to be blunt, they most likely don't care anyway
Accept that it Can Hurt But Is It Enough To Hold You Back: Rejection is not a nice feeling and no one likes it. However, how much does it really hurt? Does that short moment and maybe a few hours or even days after the event really hurt enough to not even try? Highly likely, no, it doesn't.
Visualise "Success": What does it look like when you got what you've want? Visualise everything going right and use that as motivation to push you on
Visualise "Failure": On the flip side, what will life be like if you don't try? If you give in to the fear, what impact will it have to your life in both the short term and with your longer term actions . Chances are it's best to bite the bullet in the short term so that it doesn't become an issue in the long term
Focus On The Positives: Rather than what could go wrong. Even if you are rejected, you tried. Trying will build confidence and practice for the next time you need to face the fear.
Get Perspective: Does it really matter? What difference will make it to your life? There are over 6 billion humans on this planet, chances are it's not going to change the course of the universe
It's Just An Emotion: The fear is just an emotion. Your body will react in a certain way, releasing chemicals and making you feel however fear manifests itself in you. It won't kill you and it will pass
Treat It As A Learning: If you are rejected, take it on the chin as a learning. Feel empowered to move forward from the situation and grow as an individual. It is all part of life's rich tapestry
Work On You: A lot of the fear of rejection stems from feelings of lack of self-worth and self-esteem. Look after your mental (try here) and physical wellbeing (try here) in order to boost yourself and remove the fear
Be Yourself: Accept and love yourself. When we are happy in ourselves we don't need to worry about being rejected by others. Peaceful Soul guide to loving yourself here
Practice Meditation & Mindfulness: Clear the thoughts and see them for what they are., i.e. just stories that you are telling yourself. Meditation and mindfulness are great ways to do this. Peaceful Soul meditation 101 here
Remember That you are worthy: You are as worthy as anyone else on this planet to have the acceptance and relationships you want. Your mindset may tell you different so try…
Positive Self-Talk: Self-affirmations and positive self talk will enhance your feelings of self-worth and allow you to overcome the fear. Guide here
What would your best friend say?: "It's probably not worth bothering with" or "take the chance and see what happens?" Which one would you go with?
Talk: Confide in someone you trust. Get their take. A problem shared truly is a problem halved
People are Just People: Don't exaggerate the image of someone in your mind. They are just a person with good as well as not so good qualities. They have the same fears and insecurities as you. Just talk to them
Practice: Get out there and practice. Over and over again. The fear will go.
Rehearse: Role play the scenario, even if just in your head. This will give you an idea of all the possible outcomes and how to deal with them in advance
But Don't Overthink It as…
What's the Worst that Could Happen? They say no. So what? It wasn't meant to be. Time to move on and enjoy the rest of life
Just Do It: Bite the bullet and just do it. You will be absolutely fine and life will go on whatever happens.

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Your Take

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